The beginning of a new turn is nearing...

Well next Tuesday starts the beginning of something I do not feel ready for..Who does right?
I start Chemo and Radiation Tuesday at 1030. I will be doing weekly chemo (cisplatin) and daily radiation (minus weekends and holidays) for 5 weeks.. I will have a weeks rest followed by internal radiation (brachytherapy). As you all know I was trying to approach this healing from a different angle.
Do I wish I would have done this sooner? Thats a loaded question- part of me does..but the other part of me does not regret all the time I took to research and figure out what was right for ME.
Some people may never understand why I waited a whole year before getting conventional treatment.

I am having a lot of emotions right now. Want to step inside my head?? Here you go::
I feel angry that I even have cancer and have to go through this.. I feel peace knowing GOd has my back and is gently carrying me and providing wisdom when I need it.
I feel anxious on how my family will deal with seeing me go through treatments.
I feel empowered that I have taken this time to know all there is to know to come to the decision when its time. I feel empowered knowing I will be better and helping others who need guidance.
I feel stressed that I have a 4 year old little girl who might have a hard time understanding that mommy might be Out of Commission for a while.
I feel anxious about how my body will react to treatment..will it hurt? Will I lose weight? What will I want to eat? How tired will I really be..I thought I was tired now???
I feel certain cancer didnt just randomly happen to me...I am to go through this with some reasons that are unknown to me right now but will reveal themselves at some later point.
I feel grateful to have the love and support that I have. I know most people dont know how or when to reach out to me .. I will say this even a text,letter or email saying that you are thinking of me goes a long way. Sometimes I feel like everyone just has their own stuff going on and I am just sitting here...alone with this cancer just wanting to get better. I know realistically the world cannot stop just because of me.. I also cant help but feel that pity sometimes :)
I am giving you a glimpse of all the things that go through my mind so you can really feel me here.
The holidays are coming up and I am not sure how I will be. I will do my best to stay positive and remember that God has BIG plans for me.. I just need to be a little patience..
Love to all and thank you for being there for me!!!!