Gobble Gobble

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!!! I know I did. I have lots to be thankful for!!

I have only 7 more external radiations to go(dec 7th is my last treatment) , one more chemo and then Brachytherapy (internal rad).
I am nearing the end and its a wonderful feeling! I have to say the beginning of treatments were probably worse than recently. I am of course very tired!! Sometimes My appetite acts funny but not normally. My bowels can be sensitive too.
I have only lost about 3 or 4 lbs,havent lost hair. Actually my gynological oncologist and radiation oncologist both said how great I look and actually that I look better now than I did at the beginning!
Pretty encouraging huh??

Yesterday at my exam radiation doc revealed my tumor is shrinking and my discharge is way less (sorry if thats TMI but you wanted to know :)
I was elated to hear this!
My family has been so amazing as well as my friends! Even when people check in here and there it brightens my day ( note: when someone you know has cancer, dont assume they just arent up for a little note to read or text or call). My mom has a friend who I dont even know has sent me a nice note every week. Very touching!
The one thing that really has helped me honestly is Reiki. I have gone to Reiki weekly and its made a huge difference. I have slacked on exercise,yoga,Qi Gong,etc.. I have had my down days but overall I trust still this is all just part of my journey. I welcome God to use this healing not only physically but spiritually and mentally. I have always loved butterflies as many of you may know..Actually recently my mother and I were looking through some old picture slides when I was a baby.. I was in my crib and there was just one little butterfly on the wall.. Its as if God was saying "See you were always ready to transform.. you just had to go through some things first"...

Grace is doing well. She is in school three days a week. Between my mom and my motherinlaw she is being taken care of when Cary has to w ork and I am not feeling well. We are blessed!! Love being back in Ohio!

Well thats a quick note as to whats going on with me!!
I hope everyone is doing well! Christmas is right around the corner!!
Happy Holidays!!

The beginning of a new turn is nearing...

Well next Tuesday starts the beginning of something I do not feel ready for..Who does right?
I start Chemo and Radiation Tuesday at 1030. I will be doing weekly chemo (cisplatin) and daily radiation (minus weekends and holidays) for 5 weeks.. I will have a weeks rest followed by internal radiation (brachytherapy). As you all know I was trying to approach this healing from a different angle.
Do I wish I would have done this sooner? Thats a loaded question- part of me does..but the other part of me does not regret all the time I took to research and figure out what was right for ME.
Some people may never understand why I waited a whole year before getting conventional treatment.

I am having a lot of emotions right now. Want to step inside my head?? Here you go::
I feel angry that I even have cancer and have to go through this.. I feel peace knowing GOd has my back and is gently carrying me and providing wisdom when I need it.
I feel anxious on how my family will deal with seeing me go through treatments.
I feel empowered that I have taken this time to know all there is to know to come to the decision when its time. I feel empowered knowing I will be better and helping others who need guidance.
I feel stressed that I have a 4 year old little girl who might have a hard time understanding that mommy might be Out of Commission for a while.
I feel anxious about how my body will react to treatment..will it hurt? Will I lose weight? What will I want to eat? How tired will I really be..I thought I was tired now???
I feel certain cancer didnt just randomly happen to me...I am to go through this with some reasons that are unknown to me right now but will reveal themselves at some later point.
I feel grateful to have the love and support that I have. I know most people dont know how or when to reach out to me .. I will say this even a text,letter or email saying that you are thinking of me goes a long way. Sometimes I feel like everyone just has their own stuff going on and I am just sitting here...alone with this cancer just wanting to get better. I know realistically the world cannot stop just because of me.. I also cant help but feel that pity sometimes :)
I am giving you a glimpse of all the things that go through my mind so you can really feel me here.
The holidays are coming up and I am not sure how I will be. I will do my best to stay positive and remember that God has BIG plans for me.. I just need to be a little patience..
Love to all and thank you for being there for me!!!!

Home is where the Heart is

hi my friends!

It has been quite some time since I wrote last..I tend to do that :)

So being back in Cleveland is great.. There are things I did not realized I missed until I came back..if that makes any sense...
I used to think the metroparks were no big deal..I took them for granted like most of you who live here do. When I was in Georgia I marveled at the vastness of the forests and privacy you could obtain rather quickly if needed. Here you cannot get too much privacy but that is part of the joy of the metropark system.
You get to see all sorts of people enjoying the same beauty you are..it creates a sense of community and connectedness.
I even miss just the overall feel of Cleveland..something I turned my nose to when being out of State.. I wonder though if I had to do that for my own sanity and so I would not miss Home. A sort of detached way of dealing.. hmm that just came to me.. ha
I even love living so close to the airport. I get to watch planes take off and land round the clock.
For some reason I find that fun..never would have before..
There are many times when I am driving and just get that overall feeling of contenment..Knowing we made the right choice to move back.
Sure I loved the South - I loved how it was weird if you ordered unsweetened tea (that gave you away that you were from the North), I loved how many trees were around everywhere, I loved how beautiful the state was in general.. I loved my own sense of Freedom.. I grew wings and I flew with them.. I now realized I can still fly even though back home...Just in a different way :)
Heck I even appreciated Lake Erie now...again not something I would have thought twice about before...I would think that it was stinky water and that is it :)
One of the best perks of being back in town is that we get to see our peeps whenever we want.
Grace gets to spend time with the grandmas which is great!

So as far as my health goes.. Here is that part of the update:
I have a consultation for the radiation next week and I am waiting for the chemo nurse from Cleveland Clinic to set me up with that class. They have been rather pokey at getting back to me but its not like I am doing nothing for myself in the meantime.
I started training with a Qi Gong Master here in Rocky River. He is amazing and I am learning a lot.
I know most of you may not know what that is so here is a def:

Qigong (also spelled Ch'i Kung) is a powerful system of healing and energy medicine from China. It is the art and science of using breathing techniques, gentle movement, and meditation to cleanse, strengthen, and circulate the life energy (qi). Qigong practice leads to better health and vitality and a tranquil state of mind. In the past, qigong was also called nei gong (inner work) and dao yin (guiding energy).

So far I have to practice daily- It will surely help me during treatments.

Thats really all for now. I am getting over a nasty cough thing. Just need to catch up on rest since the cough has kept me up for nights in a row..

I hope this finds everyone happy and healthy~!
Love
Andrea

What a Journey it is has been so far...

Today I sit here and reflect on where I was when I got diagnosed.
I was searching for something.. I did not realize until I was handed the gift of facing my own mortality that what I was seeking was well..God..
Little did I know that amazing light was always within ME.. Its always been there to comfort me since the day I was born. If I would have only known this way back when I was little..but it was not part of my journey to know that up until now. I do not think I was as grateful for things as I am right now. I know I was not as strong,humbled and at peace with things as I am now. Today I embrace that I need to TRUST in the flow of things. Even when there are things I want to control.. I know now that these things are not in my control and that is OK. I can relax more knowing God is taking care of me on my journey. I dont know what your views are on God - a lot of people just dont talk about it.. and then I say why not?
I know God exists- no matter what form that is in.... When I ask God to provide me people and things that will help me on my healing journey with cancer..guess what?? They show up!!!! The amount of times I have asked and then received has really amazed me.
I wrote this today while sitting on the rocks at Lake Erie in Avon Lake (my new peace spot!)

Sitting at Veterans Memorial Park, The water ebbing and flowing brings me so much peace. The gentle breeze on my neck feels like angel kisses. The Sun is like God's light beaming down on me.
Looking out at the vast beautiful water- my heart cries with Joy. Even though this journey has not been easy at times, the glorifying clarity and strengthening of Faith has made it more than worth it!
God has gently spoken to me over the last 9 months. My heart feels the purity of His touch. As the waves break against the rocks I sit on, I am reminded that there can be peace and stillness even when there is commotion surrounding. If we are still, God speaks to our heart.. It is whether or not we hear Him is the question.

Thank you for plugging into my story and believing in me!!!

Home is where the Heart is

So its been a while! Sorry about that!!! Its been a little crazy around these parts :)
I hope everyone is doing well.

So Grace and I went to Ohio to visit friends and family end of May for a week.  Once we got there I felt the love -and it felt good.. I dont even mean from talking to anyone..I felt the energy..Oh yes I did!
Something was telling me this was where I should be for now.
So I enjoyed my trip- it felt different this time than any other time... Grace enjoyed her grandmas and family/friends as did I!
I did not get to see as many as I wanted but I cant pack that much into one trip. :)
So towards the end of the tip it became very clear to me..We needed to move back.
Things had been sort of crumbling around us Georgia- finances etc..all things pointing us to a new start in Ohio.
Besides considering doing some conventional treatment- I knew if I do that I need to around my support group.
I brought my strength back to Georgia - but it soon started to dwindle the longer I was here.
It was as if the reality of everything was setting in.. Stressing over how we would be able to live and where in Ohio-what treatment to do if any, etc..etc..
Fast forward..its now July 8th 2010. Grace and I are staying with mom and John- Cary is staying at his moms. Every few days I pack up and we stay with Cary and his mom.. So being a gypsie has not been easy lately but I am grateful to have a roof over our heads :) (our 2 wonderful feline children are staying at my grandmas until we find a place).
I have found myself needing alone time when I am not with Grace etc. I have yet to even see all of my wonderful friends but hoping they understand I must honour my heart in this time of my life. If my spirit tells me to spend time in nature or alone - I am listening.
I went to my first free yoga session at the Gathering Place in Westlake. It was nice.. It really is inspiring that all of the wonderful people who work and teach at this place do it voluntarily..they spend their time working and not getting paid! Thats so amazing to me.  If you are wondering the Gathering place is a nonprofit organization for cancer patients and their families and friends affected by it.   I am also getting Reiki next week..again for free! Which really is great considering our finances are nill right now (Cary is starting some work next week). The Gathering Place also has a fantastic library section _ I got a little carried away and borrowed so far like 6 books..But there are sooo many great ones there :)

Medical update:
I am waiting for the referral process with Kaiser to see a doctor at the Cleveland Clinic. I went back and forth on which doctor to go to. I initially went with one that I thought was supposed to be good but going back to my original gut feelings..I changed my mind. I decided to see the best of the best who has the worst bedside manner..or so I hear.
I still cannot say what route I am taking and that will be up to me and what I feel is right.
Something that was just told to me is to listen to my own heart on what to do...not worrying about what anyone else thinks...That is easier said than done.. I promise you!
My Faith has obviously strengthened as of late..Diagnosis of cancer will do that to a person :)
I am trusting in God to lead me in all the directions I need to go. My guides and angels have been looking out for me and leading me too. Its a good feeling knowing I am protected in bigger ways than I can even wrap my mind around.. Trusting in this is part of my journey with this and thats ok :)
I recently was led to a place called the Angel House (in Strongsville). I spoke with the owner, Carol who is just so nice. She mentioned starting a program for Autistic children (doing Reiki on them etc) and I begged to be a part of this. Something told me this is what I need to be a part of. I offered volunteering Reiki or even helping with anything clerical. I cant wait!!!

So thats pretty much it..we are currently scouting out for a place to live. Looking to rent in either Lakewood,brecksville,rocky river, strongsville,Berea (pretty open). Anyone know of any places? Preferring 3 bedrooms since Cary will be working out of home some of the time.

Thank you for following and praying..
Love and Light
Andrea

Rain and cleansing

Good day all my friends and family!!!

I have not blogged in a while and I apologize for anyone following and interested.
I have been processing a lot in ohh the last 6 months and sometimes I feel inclined to withdraw and go within.

Today is the first day it rained in a long time.. I find it very interesting that I wake up to the cleansing rain today of all days.

I will update you..

I had been still going the holistic route but seemed to have slacked a bit if you will.  I found it very difficult to stay on the natural healing train without being surrounded closely by a support team of oh say a team of people who decided to reverse their cancer naturally. I know they are out there but I have not seeked them out too much. I do want to say my family and friends are wonderful and I am NOT saying they have not been supportive... But what I am saying is different..  To do something like this and to feel alone in the process does not make things easy.  Again when I say alone I dont mean void of contact with fam and friends...
I am a mother right now which means I cannot just go to some holistic healing center in California and forget my "other" life.. Grace is 4- she doesnt understand Cancer..she just knows I am her momma and I have to be there for her no matter what.. So finding the balance between all that I am doing can be daunting at times.. Dont get me wrong. Its also been wonderful up to this point also..

Ok so moving on..

Had a Pet Scan Monday.. That worst part was getting poked like 4 times so they could find a good vein.. ugh.. and not having eaten for 5 or so hours.. :(
I tried to convince the Radiologist to let me see the scan after but no such luck.. Just was curious I guess.

During the actual scan.. I found myself very close to God and doing a lot of praying.. I didnt necessarily think that would change the results but it was something that comforted me and brought me peace.
The reality of the cancer became pretty obvious. When I say that I mean I spent the first 5 months with my nose burried in the books and on the internet researching.  I did that so much that I wasnt applying all of the wonderful things I was learning.  I think it was also a little denial..just a little though :)

Wednesday the 19th was my birthday in case  ya'll did not get the memo :)
It was an ok birthday..Cary was out of town and I was about to find out if anything I was doing did any good the following day... ugh ..talk about nerves....

So Thursday arrived.. My awesome friend Jennifer said she would come with me to the appointment with the oncologist which meant so much to me. I did not think I could face that day by myself..  The unknown was making me insane.

TRUST TRUST TRUST IN GOD .. I  kept thinking..Trust in his plan for you!!!! 
If anyone has tried to do that...you will know its not that easy..> Letting go and having Faith that something bigger has taken the wheel requires a lot of strength and well ..letting go :)

We got in the room to wait.. I got a copy of the radiology report before the doc came in the room..This was a good thing because Jennifer used to be a medical transcriber for an Oncologist so she could read the language.

So the low down is this...
The tumor is 2cm bigger than it was 6 months ago. There is some activity on the ovary but they are not sure if it is cancerous or not until and if I choose a hysterctomy.  That is recommended along with chemo and radiation.
As I sat there I listened as openly as I could.. Jennifer told me to just be an observerer...like I am on raft and just watching things...not to react or feel just listen...That I could process after the fact.
Good advise I thought..and boy am I blessed to have her in my life!

So I listened and talked of course.. I left there feeling like.."hey I am ok..I did it.. I made it and it wasnt that bad"...
I also felt drained as the day went on..The nervousness just exhausted me in the long run...I felt spacey..
I went to bed last night feeling surrounded by angels and God.. I have been lucky enough to spend a lot of time just being still that I feel these wonderful things.. A feeling of "everything is going be ok" washes over me.
 I get this feeling a lot these days by the way :)

So I woke up today knowing something is different.. I feel like a new part of my journey begins.

I am now faced with the choice once again.. do I do more of the holistic route...and maybe seek out women who have done this - surround myself with support of people going through this..... or do I go the conventional route integrated with the alternative route..Ahhh most of you might be thinking the integrative route...Here is the hard part for me on that..
For 6 months I have convinced myself (or researched the facts rather) that Radiation and Chemo are poison..That they damage the bad cells and the good..That they cause damage that is sometimes irreversible...  It is difficult to imagine changing my mind on that...It really really is...
So here is what I decided I need to do... I am going to ask God to help give me a sign as to which I should do.
In the meantime.. I am coming to Ohio next week.. I am going to enjoy my family and friends and just BE.

I also spoke to my Chinese Medicine doctor (who is a Eastern and Western doc for 30 years..and has studied and researched cancer cells, genes etc.. - he is the one I get the black mushroom pill from).  It was difficult to talk to him on the phone with broken English but something was telling me I needed to call him, even though it was 6pm..
He is going to take a look at my scan and the pathology reports.. with him being Chinese and following mostly Chinese medicine theories..he believes that surgery like a hysterctomy is not a good thing..it disrupts the flow of the yin yang and a lot of other things.. I believe this too..  So I am going to meet him either today or Monday.

Facing something like cancer is not an easy thing but I have learned to find the blessings in the situation.. and there are many.. I know someday I will be helping other women going through this..I know I will be stronger because of this.. I know I will have a better definition of who I am.. I know I will have discovered that life doesnt need to be hell on earth but heaven around every corner..  I know that no matter how alone I am  really NEVER alone..Spirit follows me and lifts me up when I need it.. My friend told me that God gently lifts you up and sets up down when you are ready to really face the situation. This is what has happened to me up until this point.  I was not quite ready to see the situtation as it really was until now.
With that support from above I am stronger...eyes more open and more appreciative of all things.
My faith gets stronger each day.. The place I was in the last time I wrote on here is so different than right now.
So as you read..you are witnessing a change.. like a Butterfly... ahh I always did love Butterflies :)

Til next time (maybe I wont wait so long next time )
Peace and Love!!!!
Andrea

Spring brings new changes

The Sun warms my back as I read one of my many books.
My mind is a sponge.
My body a flower in bloom.
My heart beats as if it were the first time.

Somewhere along the way I let the real me hide.  I was afraid of showing who I really was.
Not comfortable embracing my true God given gifts. 
Shame, fear, inhibition, uncertainty- all words and feelings that defined me for so long.
Today, as a I write this, those words no longer serve me.
Instead I feel confident, fearless, Love, Peace, Joy and resilient.

Fearless of anything or anyone who challenges what I am and believe in.
Love for all people and things that have inspired me or will inspire me.
Peace in my heart knowing I am finally finding me again.
Joy in the small things that once were taken for granted.
Resilience to whatever comes up or down my path.

I have awakened (and still am awakening) to the Grace and ease that has always lead me.  I was just resisting, repressing and denying.  I am surrenduring to all that is- my Creator, your Creator, trusting I am never alone.  I am always surrounded by Divine Love and Guidance.

God speaks to me with these words: Do not be afraid-  you are Perfect, Loved and always on the right path.
Embrace the beauty within and shine your Brialliant Light onto others.  Let Peace be your gentile guide."

Never again will I be the same woman.  How could I be when I know the good that hides behind even the darkest moments.
I trust that all experiences and circumstances have led to this very amazing and perfect moment.
It is after this realization that I know I am healing each and every moment with each breath I take.

May these words that came from the depth of my heart resonate something good in your soul.

To those that believe in me whole heartedly- I thank you.
For those who are not sure what to believe- it is ok. I thank you for opening your heart and mind :)

Love and Light !!

Transformative Year

How are all of my friends???
I am doing well actually!! I have not written in a while so I thought I would do that now before my busy weekend :)

The latest is.. I went to see a Chinese Medicine Doctor (Dr Liu) here in Atlanta.. He is very well known in Atlanta with a great reputation. I was referred to him by my good friend and Yoga teacher Essud.  I went there for accupuncture intitially but left there with more than just that.  Prior to this visit Essud had mentioned Dr Liu had a mushroom herb pill that was very good for my kind of thing.  So I talked to him about this in person.  Dr Liu is not only a Eastern Doctor but also an MD.  He also has studied for many years and researched on cancer genes in particular.  He had several cases where people with Leukemia and what not who took this mushroom pill and bad stuff begone!!  It is Lingzhi- a type of Reishi mushroom.  He is the only one in the area who has this kind of Lingzhi (maybe even in the Country..not sure).  It is a wild black mushroom that grows  three feet tall in the unpolluted mountains in China.  The shroom is good for Immune system building, tumors (benign and malignant) as well as many other things.   So I picked his brain a lot that day and even slept on the decision.  Even though it is a pricey pill, I decided it is so worth it afterall!!

Another new adventure in my life is I decided to volunteer at a horse Farm called Green Acres here in Woodstock Ga.
After driving by 2 barns one day- something was drawing me in.  So I met with the head lady who happens to be a Speech Pathologist who heads the Hippotherapy program. 

  American Hippotherapy Association Inc. (AHA, Inc.) promotes the use of the movement of the horse as a treatment strategy in physical, occupational and speech-language therapy sessions for people living with disabilities. Hippotherapy has been shown to improve muscle tone, balance, posture, coordination, motor development as well as emotional well-being.



AHA Inc. consists of medical professionals (physical, occupational and speech-language therapists) and others who are interested in the use of equine movement as a treatment strategy.

I will be doing this just once a week..
Pretty Amazing stuff!!
I will also get to help groom the horses. I have always had a big love for those majestic animals - they are such healers for the soul and heart!!!

Hmm what else.. Today I was privledged enough to have a free half hour energy healing session with Sherri - a sweet girl I met in Yoga.  It was absolutely amazing!!

This weekend my momma is coming from Ohio to visit! So excited about that.  Friday I am getting a dry blood analysis done which will tell a lot of what my body really needs.  Saturday I am heading to the Mountains for a "Transformative weekend" of Yoga, Tai Chi, meditation and who knows what other gifts!!! :)
I might never come back..haha:)

I feel like I am being led down this marvelous path.. not knowing which direction to go but letting God and the Universe  illuminate the way.  Each day that passes I know I made the right decision.  Fear is escaping my heart and mind as I take the reigns and charge ahead!!!  I am learning that I am the only one in charge of me.  Noone can make me feel a certain way. 
Since we are supposed to be grateful for things each day.. I will say I am grateful for the "C"... You heard me right.
If it weren't for that thang, I might not have been pushed to carve out the old stuff that does not serve me anymore - so I can make room for the new!

With all of that being said.. I am always appreciative for prayers being sent my way!  So keep them coming please :)

Love and Light
Andrea :)

Amazing people

Feb. 3, 2010

Well I have not written in a while so I figured it is time :)
I have been having some interesting times as of late. I am going through what is called a Healing Crisis.
In case you are not familiar it is described as such :


"A healing crisis is when symptoms from diseases and toxins that are released during a detoxification process manifest themselves. Also known as "Herxheimer Reaction", a healing crisis occurs when toxins stored in the body are released at a faster rate than can be properly eliminated. The more toxic one's body is, the more severe the detoxification and the more intense the reaction."

So I have been a little off for a few days but I know that this is a great sign that I am ridding myself of any old ways and toxins..  No worries.. I am not dying.... :) I am just well.... healing :)

So today I went to get my hair cut and brows waxed (thought it would be nice to "feel like a woman"). The girl that did my brows was someone I went to quite some time ago.. I almost wasn't going to mention that I have Cancer.. afterall I think to myself "do I really want to keep telling people therefore reinforcing and giving energy to the one thing I am trying to cure myself of.. hmmmm",  So I decided to tell her anyways.. It is very hard when someone asks you "so how was your weekend?" without the words "well there is this cancer thing.." that pops in my mind.. I guess unless you experienced it you wouldn't truly know... :)
So I said (not verbatum) " Yah I know you will think this is nuts but I have cervical cancer and I have decided not to do conventional medicine but try the Holistic route...and she says..and I quote "What? Why would I think this is nuts (you would have had to see the genuine look about her to really get the amazing factor of this), I totally believe in that"...
And there you have it..the first ray of sunshine on my gloomy day.
That woman was put in my day for a reason..Now as most people are aware I believe firmly that there are NO and I mean NO coincidences!  I walked into the Salon (not even planning this as part of my day) and then not knowing who I would get to do my brows...hmph... Life is good..
I am grateful to witness such miracles throughout my day.. Are you asking "Why is this such a big deal?:.. Maybe you aren't..but just in case you are... When I tell people I am coming down with a bug (healing crisis) they assume I am going to croak..or its because of the cancer..Pulleeeeease!! :)  When I tell most people my healing plan- they nod and have this look on their face like " WHAT?? Is she nuts..OMG shes going to kill herself... other people have done tradtional treatment and been just fine"..... But that is ok.. I understand by the way why most are skeptical.. I just need to make sure the close group around me  are believers!! I cannot subject myself to the fearful and worrisome energies.. Does that make sense?
I need every little drop of certainty I can get in my life.. when you doubt my choice and me- it puts little seeds of fear around me.. That is not going to help now is it? But do you know what will? Pure Love and Belief..
So I hope this did not come across as a lecture...this is a blog afterall and well I do feel better after writing this :)

So to recap:

• Amazing people come into our lives (every day)  if we choose to witness and capture the miracle.
• Worrying about someone is the most wasteful energy you could use and send towards someone- it is worrying about something that has not happened and we all know that is silly..
•  A healing criis is a good thing even though you see the word CRISIS... a health crisis however is NOT a good thing!
• Believing in and Loving someone you know with Cancer or something similar is the best thing you can do for them!!!

I love you all so much for being there for me.. You all ROCK

PS Shout out to TRISH for making my afternoon after the brow/haircut by going to lunch with me.. I needed that Babe.. Thanks.. xoxoxo


Love and Blessings,
Andrea

Only a new Beginning..

I wish I would have started this blogging thing ohhh a few months ago but I was not ready I suppose. (Sorry if I am all over the place as I have not yet become an expert at Blogging or writing a book- someday :)
Let's see if I can catch everyone up to date - lots been going on.  Well the start of the story is this... A few days before Thanksgiving of 2009 I was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer- Endocervical Adenocarcinoma to be specific. It is the rarer of the kind and is of the glands as opposed to the squamous cells like the HPV caused kind.  My intution was telling me about this thing called cancer ohhh within the last year. I had some symptoms which indicated something was not normal. I even called the gyno and they said oh its probably nothing... well they were wrong! Always listen to that intution!

The moment I was told I had Cancer was like no other I have experienced.  It was as if I was in a time warp  and the room was spinning around me.  It was just myself and Doctor Falany sitting in the world..  I reacted like most I am sure. pure shock... But at the same time. I knew....something inside of me knew my life was about to get flipped all around ..
The doc was vey compassionate of course- she hugged me while I sobbed.. afterall it was just her and I.
Ok so the first week after that was spent this way- husband and I just standing around staring at eachother and the ground saying..now what...? 

When I had my first appointment with the gynological oncologist, I had already mentioned to him I was not so sure about chemo,radiation etc..
He told me the tumor is 4 cm and too big to operate on initally.. soo they want to do daily radiation for 6 weeks and weekly chemo for 6 weeks.. and then... cut out my womb! Great.. Well not so much.. I knew I was not going to be rushed into this.
Thank God I was told to not be pressured by the urgency the docs would put on me to have things done.
This was my body and my life and I was going to think about this dammit!
So I thought about it..and thought about it... I had my moment with God, if you will.
I was alone and something hit me.. I cried and was afraid. But I knew I had to do this the hard way.. The way that was going to shed my layers and leave me an even better and happier person in the long run.
So the extensive research  began.. I knew that if I were going to refuse conventional medicine I had better get my act together and take this very seriously!
SO the searching on the net and reading lots of books began.

One of the first people God and the angels brought into my life was Jill Hargis (Hallelujah Acres diet Health Minster). She gave me much information on how to alkalize my body etc.. It was overwhelming but I inspiring. She also sent me a movie called "Healing Cancer from the inside out" By Mike Anderson which forever changed me.
I ordered a Champion Juicer (courtesy of Momma) and some Barley Max greens. I gave up smoking about a 4 days or so after my diagnosis. I also gave up red meat,dairy,anything processed,refined anything, sugar, Caffeine, etc.. It was gradual I suppose in case anyone is wondering.  Let me tell you though even a few weeks after giving up all of this my waistline got smaller and my weight dropped a little.. Rock on! Added bonus!  I also read how important it is to exercise (oxygenize the body as cancer does NOT like oxgyen) so I went to Walmart and got me a 30 dollar mini trampoline/rebounder.. Fun stuff!

Onto the DEEP stuff...

One of the first things I realized by reading Louise Hay;s book  "How to Heal Your Life" was that this cancer did not just happen.. It was not just genes,environmental factors,etc.... It was something that most people would not want to deal with when they find out they have cancer. It was..... "Deep  Hurt. Longstanding resentment. Deep Secret or grief eating away at the self. Carrying hatreds. "Whats the Use?"..... Doesnt sound pretty does it?
No it does not but I believe all of this happened so I can get to the core of the beautiful person I am and always was.
I also believe I will be able to use this experience to urge people to deal with the feelings they are carrying around with them from the past so it does not manifest itself into a physical disease.  I will not bore you with the details of the root of it but just know it is a lot of work but gratifying knowing I am capable of releasing any of that unwanted and unhealthy baggage!

 I have to mention Where Miracles Happen which is an amazing Healing Center/Store that has already introduced me to many blessings..  One of the products I used there was the Bemer (see my blog site for website link), an infra red sauna (detoxing among other things), and of course Tai Chi/Yoga with Essud- the most amazing instructor I could ask for! Not to mention a great friend as well that also has believed I can kick this Cancer too!
On that note Carolyn Porter., owner of Where Miracles Happen was the first person to say "You can do this"... She got immediate points in my book for that.. I know it is easier for her to say that since she is not family and does not worry like they might.  Thanks Carolyn for being a believer!  I also did QRA testing (see link on blog site) which got me on some amazing very pure herbal products. 
I am also going to start working at the WMH store starting Feb 5th part time as needed. I am so excited!
I also had the blessing of experiencing a Theta healing session with Isabelle from WMH and the HerbShop in Canton.  Again both life changing experiences!

One of the books I am reading right now which is changing my life by the minute is Bernie Siegel's Love Medicine and Miracles.  Bernie has revealed to me that in order to kick this I need to be what he calls an "Exceptional patient"... that I will be and am!
My momma has been amazingly supportive and open minded throughout this whole thing.
My husband has also been supportive- yet very preoccupied with us surviving financially..  His love and support for me does not go unnoticed. 
I have had some amazing people from my past come out of the woodwork since finding about the big C..
People who were in my past but I did not know really well. I feel very grateful for that blessing too (hopefully you know who you are!)
So I do plan on getting checked on my "progress" with the oncologist reguarly.
In fact I am due for a check up here soon.
The bottom line is this.. am I afraid to Die? No... Death is nothing to be feared- am I ready to die? NOPE
I have much to do on this earth before my time is up..
So thank you for the continued blessings and prayers and look out for more blog posts!!
Love and light to everyone!!!